Long time.

It's been a long time since I have posted, and while I've written plenty over the time since, I couldn't publish any of it because it just didn't have the same flow anymore because of the things I was dealing with. However, this is a new post partially because I feel compelled to post again, and partially because I feel the need to publish a new writing that sums up my story to this point.

"Betrayal/Acceptance"

I have grown sick of this war,
The endless fights,
the nights sleeping on the couch.
I spend my time,
Trying to figure out where I went wrong,
And how to fix my mistakes.
You were a cancer to me,
No amount of talking could change that.
Uncounted cigarettes later,
No answers, no clarity, no stability.
I have lost my voice,
and while I feel I have no choice,
I continue to fight,
and struggle with you to work this out with all of my might.
You have stabbed me numerous times,
and I have forgiven each wound,
but I find that as I try to heal,
The less I can feel.

This is the end,
and now my wounds will mend.
I have done all I can,
I have tried to be the better man.
I have given my all,
And my name is all you can call.
I will do what I must,
and while I can't trust,
I will no longer stand by and collect dust.
I've had my fun,
and now I am done.
You continue to ask me why,
Been the best I could be,
But you fail to see,
That I have already said goodbye.

Eulogy

Ok, it's no secret that I listen to a lot of metal music, so naturally, I have a large number of songs that have very dark titles. This piece was strung together with song titles on my iPod, set to resemble a eulogy written to show how a person truly was rather than the happy nonsense most people would receive, even if they were the worst person alive.

"Eulogy"
Scream now,
the Afterlife is all that is left For You.
in life, you were Cold,
caring not for the State of The Union,
nor for the Gunshot to The Head of Trepidation.
You chose to Swing Life Away,
steadfast in your Fixation on The Darkness,
as those you cared for lay Dying In Your Arms.
Even as you Break The Silence,
your heart was so Serpentine,
that As Daylight Dies, you remain Behind Closed Doors.
Now you Fade To Black,
merging into a land of Voices, with Nothing To Say,
standing Before The Damned,
no longer able to Hold On.
You were not Indestructible,
And now you shall wander endlessly Inside The Fire.


"Shade"

Ruin

Not entirely sure how to describe this one, other than my decision to read some older literature that had been based upon fear of nuclear warfare. I'll let this one speak for itself.

"Ruin"
A cloud of dust passes over the ground,
Not a singe survivor has been found.
It wasn't long ago when they fell from the sky,
The world went silently, it didn't even cry.
Skyscrapers, shattered and broken,
Arcade machines, destroyed, spewing tokens.
A scorched Earth is all that remains,
Emptied by several nuclear domains.
A crow flies overhead,
Looking down at the small shadow burned into a bed.
Shadows burned into buildings is all that can be seen,
A dark legacy, a hellish dream.
The bombs fell, and people stared in shock,
Now all that can be heard is the delayed ticking of a single broken clock.

"Shade"

Save Me

I could very easily go into some long tangent about this one, but I'd rather not.

"Save Me"

I sit inside of this small box,
All I can hear is ticking from numerous clocks.
Days of living without a care,
All forgotten now, confined within the stale air.
Life has come and time has gone,
Inside of this box, I have withdrawn.
From the day we are born,
We are pushed until we are tattered and torn.
I committed this simple crime,
I wasted my time,
And while I may be fine,
I continue my sanity's decline.
A silent scream,
A sinister dream,
Only time will tell,
If I will ever escape this hell.
I look and see those I cared for cry,
But my destination is not that of the kingdom in the sky.,
Buried within this hole,
No salvation for my darkened soul.
A world I am forced to depart,
A destination fit only for those without a heart.

Now I utter an unheard plea,
Wishing now that someone would save me.

"Shade"

What I have learned?

What have I learned? The better question is what HAVEN'T I learned? Have I not learned to advance as a writer and share my true thoughts on things? Have I not become a more open minded student, allowing free thought to flow into free form writings? I say yes, I have learned these things. I have learned that I am no more a master than I choose to be, and if I have given you the impression that I AM a master writer, then I have accomplished the simple goal I set out to complete when I made the first post. I was not prepared for the death of a teacher that I was close to, but I was able to cope and move on through the help and guidance of her successor. I owe much to this man, and I thank him for his part in shaping me and my writings into the concise things we both are.

A bag of Me.

I decided to write a poem to give a little more insight into who I am, and part of how my thoughts tend to be a little scattered at times.

"A Bag of Me"

On the floor, you will find a bag for all to see,
and inside of this bag, you will find the essence of me.
You will find you will find pages of scribbled thoughts and notes,
or an old science paper about wood and why it floats.

You will find pieces of metal,
melted, reshaped, and scarred,
just like my heart and my mind,
turned cold and hard.

You will find a laptop, filled with poems and photgraphs,
And at the same time, bits and pieces of my future path.
Inside, you will find fragments of my mind,
Secrets and stories that I have yet to find.

I have laid out this bag for all to see,
now you know about the enigma that is me.

"Shade"

Vengeance

I was sitting in my second hour Contemporary Lit. & Composition class when we were assigned a villanele, so I gave it a shot, but wanted to tell a story through it.

“Vengeance”

http://boldt.us/places/zambia/hut_life/chitemene_burning_field.html

I stood and watched as the fields burned

The sky went black as the fires grew.

The darkness in this land has returned.

People, adults and children, flee,

Not a single person had prepared or knew.

I stood and watched as the fields burned.

As the fire spread, upon one another people turned.

Each ignoring the many and focused on the few.

The darkness in this land has returned.

Unfinished harvests, uneaten brie.

Shadows pass by the unoccupied pew.

I stood and watched as the fields burned.

All had fled, all but me,

For I could only stare as the wind blew.

The darkness in this land has returned.

I stood alone; I dropped to one knee,

I was possessed by vengeance; it was all I could do.

I stood and watched as the fields burned,

The darkness in this land has returned.

"Shade"